The Caregiver's Journey
Caregivers are often called upon to advocate for their loved one with TBI. Tracy explains that being an advocate means speaking out on behalf of someone or something that you believe in.
Welcome back everybody. It’s so good to see you. Okay. Let’s start with an update from each of you. Tell me how things are going. What’s happening with you, Megan?
Oh, well, Clayton’s doing okay, I think. Overall, the doctors seem really pleased with his progress, but I’m still scared. He can open his eyes now, and he can move his fingers and his toes. He hasn’t said any words yet, but he squeezes my hand to communicate. It’s just hard not knowing what to expect. I don’t know if he’s ever going to be himself again.
And he’s not sleeping much, which really worries me and I’m just so tired all of the time. But they did find a place for me at the Fisher House, so at least I’m not in the hotel anymore. And the families at the Fisher House have really just taken me under their wings, so I don’t feel so alone. And that’s such a good thing.
I mean with Clayton, I just want to help but I don’t know what to do.
Well, Megan, it’s great that they got you into the Fisher House. Let’s talk about a few things that you can do for Clayton as he’s waking up.
First, you might want to just ask him to follow a few simple commands like open his eyes, look at you. Give him one direction at a time, and be sure to give him plenty of time to respond.
Oh, another thing you can do, is tell him the date and time each time you’re in the room, that will help get him get oriented.
For Sam, we brought in pictures of family and friends, and some of his favorite music so that his surroundings were more familiar when he woke up.
When Tom started waking up, they told us to talk to him, even though we didn’t know if he could hear us.
I felt kinda weird talking to him at first, but then I just started telling him about football and stuff.
That’s great, Travis. Megan, does that … does that seem to help?
It really does ... I mean just being here helps me. And I listen to Julie and Carl, and I know there’s hope.
There is always hope. Can I tell you a little bit about Sam’s story? When we got back to the states from Landstuhl, the doctor said to both of us, “Do you believe in miracles?” And we said, "Yes." And then he said, “Well, you may want to pray for one because there’s a chance he’s not going to make it.”
And I said to him, “You don’t know that. Don’t tell me that my son isn’t going to make it. You just do what you can do now to keep my son alive.”
I’ve never seen my wife so mad. And the doctor looked at us and said, “If your son makes it, it’s possible that he’ll be hooked up to a breathing machine. You may have to open his eyes for him in the morning, and close them for him at night. That may be best that you can hope for.”
And Julie looked at him and said, “You just do what you need to do.” And two weeks later Sam opened his eyes for the first time. And three weeks later he was taken off the ventilator and has never been on one since.
And now, six months later, he’s home. And yes, things are very different than they were before his injury. And we have had to make a lot of adjustments, and things will never be back to the way they were. We just have a new definition of normal, now.
Thanks, Carl. Thanks, Julie. You know, that is so encouraging. You know, Megan, you have to remember that every TBI is different, but the truth is that with the passage of time ... you know, a lot of patience, a really strong support system, most TBI patients will go on to lead fulfilling lives. It’s … it’s like Julie said, you may have a new definition of normal. I can’t stress enough the importance of holding on to hope,
I think it’s great that you stood up for what you believed in, Julie. I’m not sure I have enough strength to do that. I’ve always been the quiet type. I’m not comfortable asking anything from anybody.
You know, lots of people are uncomfortable with this, Michelle, but as a caregiver, you’ll be called upon to be an advocate for Tom. You know, like Julie and Carl did for Sam, you’re an advocate when you speak out on behalf of someone or something that you believe in.
Advocacy begins when you first meet that healthcare team. You know, right away, try to learn as much as you possibly can from them about TBI and the treatment plan for your family member. And find out about the DoD and the VA medical systems ... you know, how to use those services. Once you understand the facts, you’ll be so much better able to communicate with everybody involved.
One thing to remember ... you know, you’ll be talking with the healthcare team on a regular basis. There are going to be times when you feel frustrated, just remember, they are doing the best at what is, you know, at times, a very difficult situation. You know, it’s fine for you to help the team get to know your loved one. Tell them stories, stories about the person, personality, things like that.
But do keep in mind that diplomacy is critical. It’s really important to your role as a caregiver. You don’t want to be perceived as though you’re trying to tell one of the members of the team how to do their job, because that … that usually doesn’t work out very well. Instead, you want to talk to that person as a concerned family member. You know, explain your worries. Explain it, stay calm, speak to them calmly, respect them.
You know, this is really important. As caregivers, we came to know Sam’s treatment plan the best. We knew when something was working well or when something was just wrong. So we had to learn how to share our concerns, and to ask questions about any procedure that we weren’t familiar with.
I’ll sure try. I’ve just always feel really intimidated around authority figures. I always feel like I’m not as smart as the doctors.
Well, Megan, there’s just no way that they could know Clayton the way you do — so right now you need to be his voice … about his medical care and other things, too. If you find that you’re having difficulty resolving issues, there are other people that you can talk to, such as a Patient Advocate or an Ombudsman.
Exactly right, Carl. It’s important that each of you feel comfortable asking questions about their care, about benefits, about anything that you’re not clear on. Okay, why don’t we take a short break to catch our breath? And we’ll pick up again in a moment. Okay.
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